Log #0010: Winter Ennui

I've been enjoying the sunshine when it appears.

I can't normally. I'm very sensitive to the sun. For most of the year, going outside requires careful dressing and sunscreen; in summer, it's damned near impossible. In the winter, however, I can appreciate the sun's appearance.

At this time of year the sun is apparently at an oblique-enough angle to keep from burning me so quickly. I like to see the sun in the winter for other reasons, too. Winter is beautiful, to be sure, but not pleasant to drive in. Driving on snowy roads scares me half to death. I was born and raised in the south, after all, where ice is what you put in your drink and not something on the road. Sunny days in winter are better days for driving. The roads are more likely to be clear, especially as the sun warms the asphalt.

There is also the aesthetic value. Winter has an exquisite, subtle beauty, but much of it is fairly monochromatic. On a cloudy day everything appears in shades of white and grey. It can be dramatic, yes, but after a few weeks it admittedly begins to pall. When the sun comes out then, POW!! Color appears. The snow and ice begin to shimmer like diamonds, the foliage of the evergreens brightens, and everything is set against a background of impossibly blue sky.

* * *

A certain element of cabin fever has also been an issue this year. Because of the driving problem, I tend to be fairly isolated during the winter months. This is normally not a problem - I like my solitude for the most part - but during the winter it starts to get on my nerves. I think this is because it's less choice than necessity. When I know I can get in my car and go anywhere without problems, my isolation is a blessing. When it's snowing and I know driving would be stressful, I start to feel a little trapped. I can drive in snow and ice when I have to, but my blood pressure goes skyrocketing and my stomach gets upset, so it isn't something I like to do more than I absolutely need to.

Anyway,there are countless things I can do at home to keep myself busy; the problem is maintaining interest in them when restlessness strikes. We tend to want what we can't have. In the winter, I want to socialize more without the stress of driving.

Spring isn't far away, though. We've started having more sunny days than we did earlier in the season. I've seen the robins come back, although that doesn't seem to mean much; watching them hop around snowdrifts comes across as something of a mixed message. February is half over, and spring will start making an appearance in March. I can deal.

One of the ways I've been amusing myself is a little creative writing. My sister has been hosting a monthly writing challenge for the sake of fighting entropy. I had a fairly grudging start, grinding out my little pieces with great effort and a certain amount of grumbling, but I've started enjoying it again. This month's challenge is to write a short story in 20 haikus. I've had fun with this one; right now I have two done and a third in the works. The two done are fairly grim and twisted, I suppose I'm working out some of my frustrations. I wonder sometimes what it says about my mind if I can think of stuff like this, but still, I like them. I think I did a decent job with them and I'm proud of that. If anyone is interested in checking out, or even entering, the Psychocrypt Writing Challenge, feel free.

Spring is coming. Keep busy.

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